What I know for sure, v.2007

Seasons Greetings!

Well its that time again for my annual 10 things I know for sure letter! (Okay, so I had 12 this year). I started this traditoin the Christmas before we lost our sweet Andrew when I needed to find a way to focus on all the gifts of the everyday. This is the fifth edition for us to take time to focus on the 'everday' miracles in our life! Its been quite a year, with another big move, and if you have been reading my blog, you know God had to knock us over the head to get us here. However, God has confirmed several times that this is where we are supposed to be! In many ways, a hard transition and in others an easier one.

This is such a therapeutic activity for me, and I encourage you to either make a list of your own or take a few minutes to reflect on the things that we skip right over, that truly are small miracles for us. We'd love to hear from you, whether you make your own list or not.

Merry Christmas~

What I know for sure...

I know that living with a gaggle of spirited children, keeps you acutely aware that you are extremely alive (okay, and tired, too)!

I know there is something so sweet and special about your other children continuing to learn from the legacy their biggest brother left behind.

I know there is nothing more exciting than seeing your nearly nine-year-old who has a hard time relating, start making a point to connect with people by trying to understand football.

I know that its a blessing to finally have answers to long-lasting questions, even though the answers sometimes give you another more precise questions in its place.

I know that while navigating snow can be a pain, there is not just true beauty in what the eyes see, but in what you do not hear, because of the quietness it brings.

I know that you can find the most outgoing, helpful and friendly people while getting your hair cut or having a mishap at the spa!

I know that having an almost three year old who lives on a diet most of could not even fathom, somehow makes you the happiest and most grateful kid most people have ever met!

I know that there is nothing more important as parents, than making every day special and filled with memories because life changes too quickly.

I know there truly is a "Giver's high" and it is a 'high' we should all become addicted to!

I know that living with the tremendous loss of having more family members in heaven than on earth, can make you hold everyone in your life a little closer and hug them a little tighter.

I know that it can make a mom's eyes filled with tears to hear her six year old advocate for her big brother's social inadequacies, her little brother's food allergies and walk in memory of her brother in heaven.

I know that there is something incredibly special about this being the year your child is old enough to enjoy Christmas...and I know he does, because he says "I LUUUUUB KISSTMAS!!!!" every chance he gets.

Merry "Kisstmas" to you and yours...May you find some everyday treasures that you "know for sure" this season.

love
deb for the gang

My turn?

There have been lots of "my turn's" lately. I have to brag on my husband, who always makes sure I can have some me-time when I need or really, just when I want it.



My birthday is in October...Fred's not a great gift-buyer so he usually gets me a mini spa day, which of course, suits me just fine! I LOVE facials...there is just nothing better. If you are in Memphis, Goulds day spa on Ridgeway...ask for Mandy...she's the best! But I digress.



I went the weekend after my birthday for a facial, pedicure and manicure. I was SO looking forward to it and have been SO stressed lately! So, I went and there were a few kinks I was willing to overlook. Then they left me in the back waiting after my facial...for 45 minutes! Usually I will just overlook this stuff, but not today! So I went up front, paid for what I had and went home and wrote an ugly email to the owner.



The owner, as it turns out, is a busy mom of three and we actually have had some fun conversations. She agreed to do everything over, with upgrades and gave me a reflexology session on top! So, I've had my turn quite a bit. I love my family and being with them, but there are a few places outside of that, there are a few places I like to be.



One is Sephora...its the happiest place for me (although given I have issues with chemical smells, I wish they'd tone down the perfume stuff)! Its just suits my creative side with the makeup to play with...the ladies are all nice and fun and helpful! And now, I'm a beauty insider so I get free stuff...I mean, who could beat that?



Second would be the day spa...getting a facial. Seriously, if you haven't had one...you should do it just once! Stress shows in our faces right...we tighten up...we frown...we purse and you get the picture. Its not about the wrinkles (although now that I am getting some, it might be), but about the facial massage. And, if you didn't know it, they massage your hands, neck and shoulders, too! Its divine!



Third would be the mall...or just shopping...or HomeGoods store or Target or a really cute kids boutique. But if I am really trying to unwind...I love to go to the bookstore and spend a couple of hours...don't even have to buy anything! All mommies should know about this FREE trick! (Oh and I love to go to the movies by myself and see a good chic-flick...its great therapy!)



My best friend from college was supposed to come this weekend...we were going to shop on the famous Newbury street! I was SO excited...Tammy and shop-til-you-drop-marathon for three days! But she didn't get to come...her boss gave her an ultimatum. I was really sad...because I just needed that and its a little lonely here in Mass. But, Fred let me go by myself.

I have shopped on the Michigan mile a bunch of times, with Tam in fact. Fred and I have shopped Haight-Ashbury in San Francisco. Newbury Street was a cross between the two and it was great! It was freezing and windy and I learned a few things about taking the T in rather than parking ($30 later), but it was great. The South, has the most amazingly cute gift shoppes...Maine didnt have those and I have so missed them. I found a couple on Newbury street...so exciting to me, because I hate giving gifts that you can find just anywhere...so, yeah, it was pretty fun!

Then last night...another 'my turn' but not the fun kind. I was at the ER. I haven't even been to a doctor in over 18 months! However, I got the worst and oddest headache of my life last night. I have had migrains...since...forever...maybe since I was a teenager. I had them worked up at the time...probably didn't find the meds helpful and just learned to deal with them on my own.

This was so much worse though. I couldn't see properly at first and then wham! I was sick instantly and vomited so much in those few hours that I was dehydrated. The car ride to the ER...that was torture really. But enough about vomit. Anyway, they said it was an 'atypical migraine'...I'll say! They gave me IV fluids, a shot of extra strong ibuprofen type thing, some nausea meds and I my pain went from a 12 to a 3! They did a cat scan so that's all clear and want me to see a neurologist. So when will I be able to do that exactly? Who knows.

I'm a hard stick to get the IV line in...so they dig for a vein after they get in...it doesn't feel pretty! But, I just kept remember poor little True who had to get stuck six times recently and thought I have no reason to complain! Also, Andrew's words are repeated by his brothers and sister every time they have to get a blood test "Its just a little pinch!" He was so brave...his strength (and True's, too) is mine!

So I took it like a big girl...digging and all. I am so blessed to have a husband who lets me have 'my turns' and to come home to these children who teach me so much...even when I feel at my worst.

So, I have this brother...

Yeah, so that doesn't sound as witty as I thought it would. Actually, my brother, Ben, he's far wittier than I and I'm sure he would have come up with something better! This pic is of Ben and I from a couple of weeks ago, celebrating our birthdays together, for the first time. Ben and I are ten years and one day apart, but we've never seen each other ON our birthdays.

So, here's the story of Ben and I. I often elude to it in our monthly family email updates but never have the time to explain. So I figured I'd take the time here and can just tell people to read about it if they want to know more.

I have to start with my mom, I suppose. My mom met Steve on New Years Eve...he's the man I consider my 'dad' but he's not the guy who contributed to my DNA...that would be Stan. Steve, was the love of my mothers life. (In fact, he died when I was 18, she was remarried for 14 years and yet, Steve remained the love of her life until she died in March 2006).

Anyway, I was born in 1969 and Steve, unfortunately, was called to serve in Vietnam in 1968. My mom was crushed. She, famously one time, wrote him a 96-page letter, she missed him so much! However, her parents were very strict and my mom was looking to get out from under their jurisdiction, so she met Stan and started dating him.

Even though my mom, still to this day from people who knew her then, say she was the most innocent, naive girl they knew...somehow, ended up pregnant before she married. So, Stan is the contributor of our DNA. Back in those days, you had two options...marry the father or go away until the baby is born and give it up for adoption. My mom's biggest aspiration in life was to be a mom (and a great one she was too!), so she took option one.

My grandfather was a different person before I was born...everyone says his whole personality changed the moment he saw me...so I have a hard time understanding how he was before. But, he was a Lieutenant Commander in the Navy and had someone acquire Stan's files (who was also in the Navy) and tried to convince my mom that Stan was psychologically unstable. But my mom was too afraid to not marry him and went on with the wedding. My grandparents were supportive after but they were not happy about the whole deal.

My mom says that Stan changed into this horrible person in the elevator on the way up to their Honeymoon Suite the night of their wedding! Shortly after this, he got heavily involved in drugs...it was the heigth of the hippie movement...he even left her with a newborn and went to California to experience all of that life he could. He was verbally abusive to my mom, strung out on drugs and eventually, my mom realized she needed out.

Actually, she had a little help in the convincing...not from her parents, but from Steve. She had kept in contact with him and he told her he would take care of us financially if she would just get away from Stan. I can't imagine how my mom must have felt...knowing she was so traditional and I'm sure she felt quite embarrassed about being divorced.

I was born in October of 1969 and I think the Marriage ended the following Spring or early Summer. Steve got to come home from Vietnam shortly thereafter. As soon as he was on American Soil...actually, at JFK airport in New York, he called my mom and asked her to marry him. My mom was over the moon!

They set the date for August 21st...and they were sweating bullets when the divorce finally came through on August 14th, which as it turns out, was my dad's birthday! Shortly after they married, my parents called Stan and asked him if he would sign papers so Steve could adopt me. They always said that Stan's reply was "Wow...I can say it backwards, Wow!" But he quickly agreed...not owning up to responsibility fit in perfect with his new lifestyle...and I'm super glad he signed those papers! I can't imagine how different my life would have been if he hadn't.

So, yes, my mom was part of a whirlwind, romantic tale...with a kid. But I have always loved the story. Hopefully, I got the details right...but there really isn't anyone to ask (except my mom's best friend Madonna...is this right?)

My mom never hid the fact I was adopted...she could have. God is funny because I have the exact same birthmark as Steve's mother and my dad and I shared the same shade of blue eyes. Even though my mom was open with me about my DNA, we did keep it a secret from friends and no one really spoke of it at family functions.

When I was 16, I was looking for something and came across a photo of my mom and Stan. I had never seen his picture before. Although I do look like my mom...the pictures of a young Stan, was undeniably full of my features, too. I stole the picture. I put it in my purse and carried it around for a couple of weeks...and told a couple of my friends who looked at it with me.

I'm not exactly sure how my mom came to notice the picture was missing from the box, but she came UP TO SCHOOL and demanded it! I didn't see it again for a couple of years.

My mom was always worried about my dad's feelings in it all. They had tried to have children together but never could get pregnant. Back then, you really did have to have a level of wealth in order to adopt, so they never had their own biological or adopted children. I think my dad totally accepted me but I'm sure he was sad there was not another boy to carry on his family name.

When I was 18, I still lived at home. Stan, suddenly called out of the blue. Apparently he had been waiting until I was 18 to make ammends for what he had done to us. Stan had been 'clean' over 10 years and still very active in a 12-step program. One of the steps suggest you apologize to anyone you have hurt in your addiction. Stan wanted to complete this step. He did apologize to my mom and then asked if he could to me. She told him that her and my dad would need to think about it all.

They told me that he had called...and I have to admit, my whole life I had been very curious! I had always said "If I could just have lunch with him, one time..." that would answer all my questions and fill that missing piece I felt for so long. I was never angry at him...I had a great life because he got out of the way...but I just wanted to know what he was like.

But...they decided NOT to let him contact me directly. I think he had my mother apologize for him...don't really remember because I didn't really care about it.

Not too long after this, my dad's heart problems got significantly worse. He died a month after having a heart attack and needing a transplant. He was only 39 and I was almost 19.

I could go into what being an only child in this situation is like...but that's another blog. About a year after my dad was gone, I sat my mom down and told her I was going to find Stan with or without her. I had already found her divorce papers and she had written his address down on the back from when he had contacted her. By the way, when I found the papers, I counted the months and saw that I was "illegitimate", which I had never known before. I didn't care...just found it funny since everyone I had ever met that knew my mom then told me how bad they teased her because she was so innocent.

I really AM getting to the story of Ben and I...but in order to understand it, people always want to know the back story.

My mom agreed to help me...in fact for a couple of months, only she talked on the phone to Stan. I think I wrote him a couple of letters but she talked to him. I was a little freaked out about it because they were a little TOO friendly I thought, but after meeting Stan, no worries at all!

I think they first talked around September and he came at Christmas to meet me. I have always been independant...so I arranged to meet him at a Coffee Shop, alone at first.

Okay, I'm not being ugly here, but let me just say, Stan is not the sort of person I would choose to spend time with. He's seriously kinda like a lounge lizard...even dresses like one. He as a little too touchy-feely for me, which immediately freaked me out. He was very clear that he wasn't going to be a father because he really wasn't into that...I told him that was fine, I had a great one and wasn't looking for this from him. We did drink our coffee the exact same way...which I thought was cool at the time.

Stan's visit went 'fine' except I was totally put off the touchiness...there's a long story about some stuff that had recently gone on in my life at this time that made this definitely more of an issue...but that's another blog too.

The best thing, in my opinion even then, about the whole deal with meeting Stan was I found out I had a little brother. Being an only child has many benefits, as any child from a family with siblings, will tell you! I am grateful for the experiences I had because of it...even being spoiled by being the only grand child. However, outside of finding Jesus, finding out I had a brother was probably the coolest thing that had happened to me at that point in my life. I was elated!

However, Stan had only been married to Ben's mom less than he had been married to mine...I think about 16-17 months. Stan lived in South Carolina and Ben lived in Maine with his mom. So, they didn't see each other all that often. Stan wasn't sure Elaine would go for the idea of letting Ben meet me, so I assumed I would have to wait until Ben was 18 before I could pursue it.

But actually, Elaine agreed! (I'll never stop thanking you, Elaine!) So that following Summer, when I was 20 and Ben was just 10, Stan brought Benjamin to Gatlingburg, Tn and my grandmother, Bo, and I drove up there to meet him. I was just thrilled!

I can remember clearly Bo and Stan talking and Stan being surprised at how great Ben and I got along! I think both of us were thrilled to find each other...and I bought him lots of stuff for good measure...ha ha...and there began a cool new relationship.

I can't recall how long we were there...must have been a long weekend. Ben went back to Maine and he and I would talk on the phone. Talking on the phone to a 10 year old boy was sometimes a challenge, but it was always such an amazing concept that I had a brother out there TO CALL.

For many years, I would fly Ben down to Memphis for a couple of weeks in the summer time. I'm not sure he always found it thrilling but it was always a joy to have him around and try to build our relationship.

By the way, neither one of us have much contact with Stan...I think its been over three years since either of us heard from him. It's more Stan's choice than ours and that's fine. Like I said before, I had a great father and a super grandfather so I don't have that need in my life. In reality, it is Stan who is missing out, not Ben and I.

Since we met, Ben and I have grown up a lot. Its much easier to talk to him as an adult now than it was back then. None of the sibling greeting cards work for us because we can't say "remember that time..." but truly, now that we live in New England, that is changing.

When we decided to leave Memphis, and eventually decided on Maine, we had never been there. We always brought Ben to us, so it was a little of a gamble...but its beautiful Maine...what's not to like. OKay, well if you have kept up with this blog, you know what I didn't like. However, he moved to New Hampshire with his job, a few months after we moved to Maine.

If I am honest, I kept telling people we weren't moving to Maine to be near Ben, that he was 'just a bonus'. That sort of statement probably seemed odd...I mean, so what if we did move here to be near him...but I was just trying to protect myself. When you lose so many family members, you are kinda afraid to have expectations and trust, and its not like Ben and I ever lived in the same place before. Truly, I was hanging my hat on finding "family" with him. Of course, I wouldn't have chosen for him to move to NH right after we got here, but he has become my "family" in the way I had hoped.

Last year, Ben and I got to spend our first Christmas together...he actually spent the night and everything...it was just so amazing to me. This year, I had the privilege of watching him become a father...which is just the most amazing honor! He's expanded our family, not just by baby Liam, but Kim and Nicolas, too. Kim is such a sweet gal and one of the loves of my True's life!

Then, this summer, shortly before we moved to Mass, I got to FINALLY meet his mother, Elaine! I was as nervous as meeting my mother-in-law the first time, but she is the most easy-going, down-to-earth gal and love being around her! Elaine and I talked about if she had still been married to Stan, she would have been my step-mother. So we decided, to our kids, she will be "Aunt Grammy" and they already love her!

Many of you will know that when I lost my mom (and the last living member of my 'root' family) that I was just heartbroken that my kids wont have grandparents. I guess now, they have been given a new grandma-type in their lives, even though she wouldn't try to replace my mom, God gives us new things.

It's funny how God works...I am sure my mom felt bad about some of her mistakes, although she would never equate my being here with one. I am sure if she had her way, she would have married Steve in the first place and had me with him. But we all know how God sees the plans way ahead of when we do. I now see my mom's decisions from her youth, as God's provision for me and my family now.

Within those mistakes, she has given me a new family. I believe that in any grieving, if you allow yourself to try, God gives you new dreams. Life isn't perfect and honestly, it rarely turns out the way we would have chosen for it to, but God gives us new dreams and provisions. It could be the death of a family member, as it has been for me many times or even the death of a dream job, a marriage, a picket fence...but God will give you new desires and he will fulfill those dreams.

I'm so thankful for the provision of Ben, Kim, Nicolas, Liam and Aunt Grammy! I'm even thankful that Stan is out there somewhere, even if he didn't parent us, he gave us each other and for that, I'm thankful.

To walk where he walked...

This weekend, our family had the privilege to walk in the UMDF (United Mitochondrial Disease Foundation) Fundraiser in Plymouth, Massachusetts. If for some reason, you do not know, our son Andrew died from "Mito" in 2003, just before he turned 7 years old.

Evidence of Andrew's disease didn't show up until he was five and a half...our diagnosis officially came five days before his 6th birthday. He never got to celebrate another one. It used to be thought that most every kid with Mito died. For years, doctors who understood Mitochondrial Diseases felt it was underdiagnosed. Now doctors know its linked to many things and are even calling Diabetes type II a Mitochondrial Disorder. Now that it is being identified better, its not always terminal, which is nice to see. Its not that there is a cure, there still isn't, but it means kids with milder presentations are being identified and they get better medical management, earlier.

We were one of the few families there who was participating in the walk without our "mito kid". He should have been there...he should always be with us. We had matching tshirts with his picture, people asked about them and him. It was nice to get to talk about him, but I always felt bad telling other people who were there to represent a mito kid they loved (who was still living) that ours didn't make it. We even met two families that adopt special needs children...which was great!

The most special thing about Plymouth is not that its where the Mayflower resides...or Plymouth Rock (which by the way, should be called Plymouth stone...its really quite small).

The most special thing is Andrew was here. Our sweet friends, the Tobins, who have two girls with mito live in Plymouth. The mom, Kerry and I met online and then at a UMDF convention in 2002. Kerry told me how great their specialist was...even though, at the time we were still waiting to find out if Andrew really had Mito. (Muscle biopsies take at least three months to get back.)

After we found out that Andrew truly did have it, we decided to see Dr Korson in Boston and Kerry offered to let us stay with her. So I have pictures of Andrew and Kerry's girls walking around the Plymouth waterfront. I have memories of this place we ate ice cream and where we stopped to look at boats and so forth. So Plymouth will always be special to me.

Our first trip to Boston was in August 2002. Our second was in January 2003. One of Kerry's girls was in the hospital that trip, so I stayed in a Hotel next to the hospital. But my connection to Plymouth continued. As you know, Andrew died in May of 2003.

This didn't end my attachment to Plymouth. After that UMDF conference, I formed a small web group of eight other mito moms. We called ourselves the MitoSisterhood! Between us, we have 20 children, 10 of which, have Mito. I'm sad to say that only four of those kids are still with us on earth...and with that, our group sorta faded away but we still have special connections.

In June of 2004, there was a fundraiser for Dr Korson's clinic and I was able to fly to Boston to participate. Again, Kerry hosted me and also five of the MitoSisterhood gals were able to get together for the fundraiser. We had a great time at Kerry's hanging out, all staying in Plymouth.

You may not know that we had Andrew cremated. I have only spread some of his ashes one time...it was that trip to Plymouth that I did this. I brought them to the tree on the Plymouth waterfront that I have Andrew's picture in front of and spread some there. Because Plymouth will always have a little Andrew for me in my heart, now it will in both the physical and the spiritual. The tree, is a physical marker of Andrew for me.

I finally got to bring Fred to Plymouth in 2006 when we brought True to see Dr Korson and were on our way to Maine to find a place to live. We stayed in Plymouth and I took a picture of Gaige, Bliss and True in front of that same tree...but Andrew should have been there too! He's always missing in every picture and I will never feel like I have a complete family picture because either True is missing (because he came after Andrew died) or Andrew is missing. But that tree, is like something that binds us together.

So being at the walk, in Plymouth, I had to take a look at the Tree when we went by...it really is unchanging and that brings me some peace. Walking for Mito in the place where Andrew was brought me peace and also a lot of reflective thoughts.

It wont be surprising that Fred and I have intended since this move to Mass to find a place as close to the Ocean as we possibly can! We love the peace of just being near the water and we want that daily if we can have it. When we moved here, there wasn't time to be picky about which town we ended up in, and we had tried to get near Fred's job, which didn't pan out. We are in an okay town but it doesn't have long-term potential in my mind. So, this weekend, our goal became to move to Plymouth.

The housing market is so steep here but we are going to try and find out how to make it happen. If not, I suppose we'll continue to rent, but I actually could buy a house in Plymouth. Leaving Memphis, where all of Andrew's life had been lived was hard in that my memories of him were almost exclusively there. So being in Plymouth gives me a little of that back.

Of course, Andrew is everywhere for us. A couple months before he died, once we knew he would, he asked me what a spirit was, hearing the word in a song on our radio. I explained it was the BEST part of who we are and you couldn't see it...but it was what made Andrew Andrew and Mommy Mommy. I told him no matter what, our spirits live forever. Being such a spiritually profound six year old, he said "Our spirits will live together forever, in our hearts". He said that many times thereafter. He does...and we do.

(the pics above are of my little ones in front of the tree in 2006 and then our trip to the same ice cream store with the Tobin girls that week...my picture of Andrew there must be in a box, but I will post it when I find it)

okay...so I got distracted...

well, I do that a lot...but it was for good reason! All the doctors, therapy and psychiatric appointments are starting.

So, I'm just going to sum up the rest of the story in quick statements...

God is good...he is faithful....he has to hit me over the head more than once a week to remind me of these things. In my stubborness he has provided beyond what we could ask or think...despite the fact that Fred's job fell through...see, not even having anxiety over that one!

Its nice to keep in mind that God is our provider and not a job or anything else. God is teaching me so much right now and I'm going to move on to more creative writing and ponderings now.

thanks for reading this and I hope you stay hooked!

Still working...

So, we unload part of the truck and finally get the kids down at 9pm. We are sleeping on mattresses on the dining room floor...camping, right?

Because we didn't get everything or have time to clean yet, we head back to Maine the next morning...okay, well after getting up at the crack of dawn and unloading some more.

I'll spare you the details, because, cleaning is not one of my favorite topics but we ended up having to rent a trailer for the rest of the stuff there and I pulled it...backing up was HILARIOUS! But anyway, we cleaned everything and headed for our new adventure!

Then I was having some panic about it all. Kinda like buyers remorse but over the lease and money and stuff. But, God kept whispering to me, once again (I'm sure he must want to pull his hair out over having to remind me of everything time and again) that he is in control and to remember the miracles he performed already! Boy, did I ever have to keep remembering!

We got the truck unloaded, into the garage, returned it and started setting up house. I described the house in another post but we literally did not need the basement space at all.

One thing the Lord continued to point out to me, is that even in this house, he gave us more. I do believe that God doesn't close doors without giving you something better.

This house is one example. We have four bedrooms, instead of three, we have at least 400 more square feet. The space itself is just a better layout for us. There's a little bit of seclusion so Gaige wont obsess about neighbors. I could go on, but the BEST demonstration of him giving us more is...the bathtub! You Mainers got to see the amazing tub we had at our Revere house...but this one...is bigger and has bubbles! Baths are super important to me and my daily (generally) me-time! So, its been a blessing I feel God did just for me. He's good...all the time...even when things don't look so good!

Only the Wacky Wells Family!

Yeah...so...as I was saying...

We had taken the kids upstairs to decide on rooms...the truck was still packed...our dog was still in the car...we hadn't brought ONE thing in yet.

So Fred had the idea to put each child in a room and then tell them that was their room...great idea, right? Well, not so much when you have a 2 year old OBSESSED with closing doors!

That, in and of itself, wouldn't have been a bad deal...but, the last tenants were college students. They put keyed-locks on each door...didn't leave the keys...and the landlord hadn't even realized they had done this.

So anyway, True shuts the door and locks himself in. We try every conceivable, possible way to tell him to unlock it, open it but he doesn't understand...and by now, he's getting hysterical.

We call "L" and ask him if there are keys stashed somewhere...that's when he learns the knobs had been changed! He tells us he'll call a locksmith for us...but Fred thinks he can do something so we tell him no thank you.

Fred gets a screwdriver...he tries breaking the nob off...prying the door open...even breaking the door down but nothing works.

True is on the second floor with a window that was painted shut recently...no luck there either. Besides worrying how upset True was and if medically, he was going to be okay after getting this hysterical, I keep replaying the persnickety wife in my head shaking her finger at me!

So we call a locksmith, although I felt certain on a Saturday that it would take them forever to get there and have no idea how we will pay for it after emptying the wallet to pay the landlord the hour before. We call and they aren't allowed to do anything when children are involved and tell us to call the Fire Department.

So yeah...we call the FD and they come right over and use this prying-vice-kinda-thingie to break the door jamb.

But True's free and mommy does NOT want to let him go! The Fire Department gets familiar with our house right away and its not even Gaige who needs rescuing! We owe the landlords a new door!

oh...and we still gotta start unpacking that blasted truck...by ourselves...will the fun ever end???

Bone tired!

Well, we were up at the crack of dawn doing this and that. We had no idea how long a day it would be...not that any moving day is fresh and wonderful...unless maybe you are one of those people whose companies pays to pack and move you, but we aren't any such kind.

Our sweet Katie came by with her family to say goodbye. It was fun to meet her hubby and boys and their little pup, since we had heard so much about them! Our little girls next door, Abby, Rianna and Raelene were so sad and it was hard to leave them and of course our first phone call was from Rianna!

Some guys, including our pastor, came and helped Fred move all the furniture. Even though we sold our washer and dryer, our patio set and a few other things, the truck would not hold the last odds and ends we had to bring. So we left them.

We got to Mass which is about 120 miles. The drive wasn't all that bad...the kids were happy to have a little down time. We arrived around 6pm...what a long day and it wasn't nearly over yet!

Our landlord, L and his wife and child, came to give us the keys and sign the lease. I have to say that had I met the wife, we might not have held out for the house...she was super persnickety! It was a little undaunting. But the deed was done and they left.

The kids were fighting over which bedroom was going to be theirs...so we took everyone upstairs before we started unloading the truck...

and then we had to call the fire department!

That eleventh hour thing...

************************************************************
So its Friday...everything but the last minute stuff is packed. Fred's job in Maine is complete. We have guys from church coming over to help the next morning...the uhaul is rented...and STILL no idea where we are going to go on Saturday.

That all sounds nice and calm but we were in a constant state of emotion and trying to figure out what we should do. This was 10th and we had told our landlords we would be out by the 15th.

We thought of going to a hotel and staying there until we found a place but we barely had enough money to do anything...in fact, if it weren't for God asking a couple people to help out and another to give us a loan (which we had never done before), we would have really been stuck! But still, we couldn't really afford to stay in a hotel and felt it would be harder on Gaige.

It was almost time to pick Gaige up from camp (and let the kids play on the playground for a few minutes) when we decided to just call our landlord and see what they would say if we either, asked to wait until the next weekend or told them we might not be moving after all. I called the wife, who became a friend because Bliss and their daughter were in the same class. She tells me that THEY are moving into the house until it sells and they are all packed and just waiting for us to move out.

Her husband's emails had been full of pressure and now I knew why. He's a businessman, not warm and fuzzy so I just assumed it was a personality thing but turned out it was because they wanted to move in. Had they shared this with us, I would have never made that phone call because I would have known and not wanted to put them out, but they didn't tell us.

I kept saying..."Okay, God...time to show up!"

But, by 5pm, we decided that we must have heard God all wrong and we should probably just start planning to stay. I felt like we had really messed everything up...okay I felt like I had messed everything up...you know, mother guilt and all.

So, Fred called his boss and told her we weren't 100% sure what we were going to do but would decide that night, but could he come to work Monday if we had not moved. They said he could, because they loved him! I called Katie and told her not to stop by for the tearful goodbye yet b/c we didn't know if we were leaving or not.

The kids were playing at a playground and I was sitting there with tears streaming down my face, having no idea what God really wanted us to do.

In my heart I kept feeling like I was going "But, God...what about this you said or that?" I was totally hung up on the fact that we had no where to live...which is a big hang up when you have kids but we just needed to trust God.

I got back to the house with the kids and my friend Linda stopped by to say goodbye. God had sent her at just the right time! We took a walk to the Dunkin Donuts and talked. She is so wise and told me she thought the move was a good thing and maybe the landlord would just let us wait a week.

The situation now was that no matter what, the option to stay in that house was pretty much out because they were moving in. They still expected us to move out the next day, whether in Portland or Boston or Timbuktu.

The Fred called...he said the landlord was on his way over and he was not happy! Linda and I got back just about the same time. She reminded me to stay calm and honor the Lord. Which I think we did.

Fred and I talked to him. He had in his head that this was some elaborate scheme (despite he's in our kitchen and sees all the packed boxes) to get out of paying the last months rent (which was coming out of our escrow deposit because we gave notice). We tried to convey to him that if he collected the rent that it would definitely mean we couldn't move because of all that upfront money you have to have.

He kept saying how we were screwing up his family and he had company coming on the 15th (that would explain the pressure to get out earlier) and how unhappy he was. I finally convinced him to just give us the night to make a definite decision on what we would do and if we were staying, we would pay him the rent the next morning. He left.

Five minutes later, he calls back and says he doesn't want to wait, that he had something to do and then would be back for the rent in an hour.

About 15 minutes later, the phone rings...as soon as I see the number and its a Boston one, I say "Yes!" I just knew God was on the other end of that line...and he was!

It was "L" from the "house in the 'ham"! He asked if we were still looking for something. He had said he would keep an eye out for us so I still didn't know if he was calling about something else or his own house. He said he and wife had talked about it again and they wanted to offer their house to us!

I was beside-my-self-excited!

So, God showed up...it was about 8pm the night before!!! Can you believe that? I guess God is still teaching me about blind faith and trusting him because this experience has certainly been one of blind faith.

So some lyrics to a song that was really significant to me that week:
Faithful, you are Faithful
I have found nothing, but good in your heart.
Loving, you are Loving
I am in awe of the way that you are
Thankful, I am Thankful
I have been running away on my own
and yet you found me...
oh how you love me!
I know you'll never leave me, leave me alone.
*****************************************************************
One, significant side note I forgot to share when we were in Boston looking for a place. My friend Troy called and told me he had a job opportunity in Boston! He and his family had felt called to New England because of the spiritual needs for the people there, for some time. They are Texans but God would not leave Troy alone about it.

When we started planning our move, I contacted Troy because he had lived there and wanted some advice on cities. He and his wife, had also been faithful supporters of our family and felt called to be hands-on support for us at some point, but we had never been able to live together! So this was great news. I'll post about Troy and the unique way God brought us together in a later post.

Uncle Pete and the Beach...

So, in the midst of this crazy week, our dear friend Pete, or "Uncle Pete" as he's known at our house came for a visit. This had been planned for months and who knew we would be in such transition when he came! He didn't get his Maine experience but we were able to sneak away to spend part of the day at the beach.

Of course, I was checking email from my cell phone in hopes some sort of housing was going to pop up! But nothing really did. And, as soon as we got back I was glued to craigslist and other site but not finding anything much.

Fred's last day at work was the day before and a few people had come by to say goodbye to us...so ends were being tied up...but we had no where to go!

What to do?

Sorry, Pete about no lobsters!

Yeah...so there's a reason people pay Broker's fees...

Okay...the Boston area is MASSIVE! Its not the easiest thing in the world to find a house here. Its a little...okay...a lot, overwhelming! We knew what areas to avoid b/c of services in school for Gaige...but its kinda like playing Russian roulette on where you land!

We arrived in the area at my friend's (Gwen) house and both had been living on Craiglist and other sites looking for the right place. We both had made a lot of calls and got very few returned calls...it was kinda frustrating. We went out looking at a few but nothing seemed right. Then when I got back to her house, there was a new ad that had been posted...it looked great. I emailed the guy and he got right back to me.

Bliss and True and I went to look at another house near our hotel and I was getting discouraged...this one was not going to work for us either. So we went to look at the "house in the ham".

It was winner! It had lots of room and perks like I wanted...a garage...a finished basement...and space!

Lets talk square footage...Our house in Memphis was 2700sf, 5 bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms and we bought it for $96,000. That would be unheard of, even it the smallest town in New England!

So Elizabeth Taylors' house...we were told it was close to 2000sf but it was only about 1500 we found out when we arrived. It had 1 and 3/4 bath and four bedrooms but one of those, was really a glorified closet. It was tight.

The Portland house was about 2100sf, only 3 bedrooms and 2.5 bath. It was beautiful and the kitchen had never been cooked in, so God gave us more. I firmly believed that even though we had to pay more (because rent is so high here) that God would give us a more functional house!

The last house, while beautiful and remodeled...the setting was not a very good one for Gaige...and this 'house in the ham' is perfect for him. Its slightly secluded and while there are a couple of kids in the neighborhood, they are not close to us. We want him to learn to socialize but because he obsesses, having next door neighbors to obsess about causing a lot of issues. So that was even better.

When I started talking to the landlord, L, he had immigrated from Russia when he was a child...I had been to Russia in 1992. He and his wife have a daughter who has autism, too. So there was an instant connection.

So I felt pretty good that this was the house God intended...oh yeah, it would be MORE, too...4 bedrooms, 3.5 bath with a jacuzzi tub (if you don't know, that's my ME time every day...a long bath)...and 2400sf!

I had already made two appointments the next day to see houses. They weren't right...one of them smelled like mold so it was an instant out! We filled out the application for L.

I went back to Gwen's to see if we could find anything else...no one was returning calls. So I decided there was no use in staying and headed back to Maine.

So we returned to packing and preparing Tuesday night and waited for L to make a decision...he finally called us back Wednesday night and it was "no" and he felt really bad about it. Our credit is not stellar (yes we are working on it) and so they decided to go with another applicant.

Stomach-churning fear...that's a word for it...but, we spent the Thursday at the beach, anyway...geez!

The Emotional Roller-Coaster and the DUH moment!

Let me just say that regardless of the pro list being WAY longer than the cons, it was still a very stressful process.



Fred and I were constantly re-evaluating and questioning what we should do. It seemed overwhelming to do what we were hoping to accomplish.



Here's some of the pro's I remember:



Boston is the Mecca of Pediatric Care



Mass has way more Diversity



The job paid a lot more than Fred was making and his job in Maine did not have much of a financial future.



Bliss hair could easily be done many places



Mass school system has 70+ pages of policies on food allergies for when True enters the school system (as early as age three with early intervention)



Better Respite funding for respite workers (Maine has a policy of 16 hours per household a month vs per child...most kids in Maine get that much per week, per child)



Better Autism resources



Might be able to find a church likes ours in Memphis



Chance to start over with docs who were used to seeing kids like mine



Better state healthcare...very doubtful we would ever need to go outside of Boston for anything.



Being in a big city again would be cool! We missed the city!



Good school systems



Not sure those were the specific ones but they were some of them and a few more I have realized since we have been here.



We were going to have to move one way or the other and knew we would be moving to Mass eventually



Our cons were:

Moving itself

Kids changing schools again

Fred loved his kind of work in Portland

Katie



It was great that Katie did this for us because I was able to remind myself of these things when it got to be tough. I was also able to remind myself of the promises God had made to us in the past and the present.



Then I had that DUH moment. It was on Sunday the 5th. I was feeling overwhelmed and asking the Lord to give us some guidance and peace. That's when he really spoke to me. I kinda feel like sometimes I can imagine the Lord being like an exasperated parent and banging his head on the wall...going "Hello!"



I felt like God was saying that the mistake was not in going now, but not going in the first place. I felt him saying "Listen...I gave you a house with mold...a house with the whole heating issues...and this whole fiasco with the D.O....what else is it going to take to get you to Mass???"



Okay...so I know people, whether they are Christians or not, are always asking why God (or whoever they identify as being in control) allows things to happen if he loves us. I am sure people could look at the events of the past year in our life but I rarely ask God why?

Some of that comes from losing a child...as many bereaved parents would tell you. Even if God were to tell us why our child did not get to live a long life, no reason would be sufficient. So I think learning to submit to the ultimate grief of life, you learn other things you used to think were a big deal...like moving...is just not as huge a deal as you thought.

I'd like to say that this lack of questioning why, means that everything goes smoothly and you never worry. But God came through at the eleventh hour time and again. Which was pretty amazing and I'd like to tell you that I was able to rest in the Bible verse that says not to worry about tomorrow b/c if God takes care of the sparrow, he will take care of you, but I'm not always mindful of that in the thick of it. However, after God showed up about the house at the very last minute, well, I finally was able to say...okay, God, I'm submitting to your plan even though I'm scared.

So now...back to that house hunt...

Yeah...so...that dang curve ball...

We got that utility bill on July 26th. I think we wrote our landlord that night...he was out of town and got back to a couple days later.

So, he basically had three ideas for us:

1- He suggested running the heat much higher and seeing if it would actually be cheaper in the long run.
2- He would increase our rent by $350/mo starting in September and pay for the oil this winter.
3- He would let us out of our lease.

So, here's the problems with those options:

1- The heat is all at the front of the house, so running it that high in the front is still not going to solve the problem at the back. We would be burning up at the front of the house and freezing in the back. There was no guarantee that would work. $1000/mo in costs...I don't think I want to repeat that action!

2- While this might be helpful in December through March, it would a financial loss the rest of the time and still not guarantee it would heat the back of the house.

3- We'd have to move...AGAIN!

None of the options seemed too great. None of them helped with the fact that we now were going to have a $327 utility bill and a landlord that wanted to increase our rent by $350...there was just no way! So, it seemed like moving was the best (albeit, not an appealing one) option. But, school was starting in a month...and in Maine, the elementary schools are very small...you can move less than a mile and be in another district. Finding a house the size we needed in the are we needed was going to be a challenge.

Changing schools in Maine was not an option in our minds! We either had to stay at the same one...or move to Mass. Why? because we knew if we were moving again next year, that was too much to ask Bliss (in particular) and Gaige to go through.

So we started looking for a place in Mass. Started weighing the pros and cons...made a budget and so forth! On the 1st, Fred got a job offer in Mass which he felt great about and things seem to start falling in place. I don't think I started packing anything until the 3rd or so, but once I started I pushed hard to get it done.

On the 6th, I came to Mass and my friend Gwen helped me look at places to live. I brought Bliss and True, Gaige stayed for camp with Fred in Maine.

The House is a really cool story...will be the next blog...

Southern Belles and a couple New England Gals...

Before I continue on with our story and the events after the curve ball, I wanted to just take a few minutes (words) to talk about some special gals who live in Maine.

Before we left Memphis, I ran into an old friend, Shari R, at Target. I never realized it but Shari used to live in Portland. It had been a long time ago but a very special lady still lived there that she knew I would love. She was right!

Its funny how things work out. Shari gave me Linda's number and I told her I would call after I got settled. I tried to call her the week before we found out about the mold but she was out of town. Then with all the business of moving again it was a few weeks and in November before I tried again.

However, in the meantime, Fred got invited to hang out with a guy and went to watch a sports thing...there, he met a man who knew a ton of people we knew from Memphis and Linda! What a small world it is in the kingdom! So, that got my attention and I said, yes, Lord, I'll call her right away.

Linda and I instantly hit it off. She came right over the next day to welcome me and give me a hug (new englanders aren't the huggy types we southerners are)! It was great. Being so fresh in my grief over my mom, she was a nurturing light for me. Because Linda travels quite a bit, we didn't get as much time together as I would have liked, but she was such a godsend, in every sense of the word! Linda has a real heart for young women and devotes her life to them. That is such an inspiration to me and always reminded me of what the Word says...and I hope to be half the woman she is when I grow up. Linda, you are amazing...thank you!

Another special southern gal God sent to me was Lisa. When we visited Eastpointe the first time, Lisa was there to welcome us! She was just as thrilled to see a southerner as I was. Lisa had moved with her three teenagers and husband three years before us. I loved her insight into the relationships there and it was great to hear her input and advice.

The greatest thing was she was true to herself...our Memphis friends will know what this means but she's like those sweet Collierville housewives we all know and love. Lisa is from Little Rock and says "sweet thing" to everything you say...it was so great! She also would come up and give me "Mama Hugs". Lisa is a great lady of faith, too and totally understood me at times when I was really struggling. We only met at the end of April but it was one of those instant things and, like Linda, I hope we are friends forever.

Then there are my two special Maine gals...first is Katie. I mentioned Katie before. She was such a breath of fresh air for me when she showed up that first time! She really was quite different from other Maine ladies, even though she grew up in a small town there. Because we got to spend so much time together, she really became my closest friend. She also saw our family at its worst with Gaige in crisis and was so supportive. She protected us in meetings with difficult people, advocating for Gaige and our family. Even though this was all part of her job, she gave us her heart and it became bigger than just the job.

When that big utility bill came and we decided we should probably just move now, she's the one who did a big pro and con list with me. There were about ten 'pro's' but only 3 cons...the last one on our list, Katie added herself...it was her own name.

But even that, God brought full circle. Two days before we left, Katie found out she was going on a different journey and got a new job...so she was going to be leaving us. Her company had a rule about no contact with a family for two years after services but, since she left and I left, we get to be friends without worrying about keeping it on the DL. Katie, I ALWAYS looked forward to the days you were coming over! I miss our chats and hope we can have one face-to-face soon!

Finally, my faithful friend, Teresa. There is no doubt that Teresa and I will always be friends...no matter how far apart we are because we cultivated our friendship long distance in the first place.

Teresa and I 'met' when Andrew's doc from Boston asked me to lend support to her. Teresa has three kiddo's, but her oldest, like Andrew, had mitochondrial disease. Michaela was at the end of her earthly journey when our doc put us in touch about four years ago. So Teresa and I have a bond that I believe is and always will be, eternal.

Teresa grew up in a small town in Maine and has a wonderful family. Her huge family took us in as an extension and we had a great Christmas eve with them last year. I will miss it this year. They are a loving and eclectic bunch...the kind that make everyone want to be from a big family. Teresa has always been so supportive of our family and we both enjoy sharing our heavenly kids with each other. Teresa and I have a long future together and I believe she might be our first visitor to Mass this month!

There are other special friends from the Longfellow play yard, Misseo Dei church and of course, our sweet gals who lived next door...Rianna, Raelene and Abby...who were such great friends to Bliss, in particular. Kudo's to Joey F who helped move us TWICE! It was great being close to Ben and his family and getting to know Kim! We will always treasure the good times we had in Maine and if you are reading this and live there...we are talking about you!

Watch out for that curve-ball!

My dear, sweet Katie was there when I got hit with the curve-ball. It was innocent enough. Katie, as many of you know, was our clinician with the behavioral program for Gaige. Katie's job is to lend support for me and Fred, help us get what Gaige needs and strategize on target behaviors and such.



But something wonderful happened...Katie and I became friends. Honestly, I spent more time with her than any other person in Maine. We spent about 6 hours a week together and even though I benefited more, we were both blessed by our relationship.



So Katie and I were doing out thing and then mail came. I got the utility bill...we all know those can surprise you, but no worries, we're on budget billing. That's where they average your bills and you pay the same amount every month. We paid $127. You know how that works...they re figure it every six months and it might go up or down $20 or so. Ours went up $200...not to $200...to $327! That's huge!



I couldn't figure it out, so I called right away. They told me there had been a deficit from Jan, Feb and March. January's bill was $500+, February's $400+ and March $300+. I was shocked! You Memphians know we can get bills like that during a super hot summer...but let me explain something we had to learn. Here, all the bills are separate. Utilities run most people $80-120...that's just for electric. They have oil heat...everyone has an oil tank in their garage or basement that holds 300+ gallons and you have to get it filled. Its about $2.60/gal for the one we had and you have to get at least 100 gallons at a time. On top of this, you get an additional water bill...which in Memphis is about $10 or less a month but here...$75!!! So Memphis system of getting one bill is nice...but the point is...$375 for electric alone is crazy!!! Unheard of!

The only way it could have happened was attributed to the heating problems we had back in the winter. The house on Revere was very long...the thermostat and the boiler (in the basement) are in the front of the house and the back of the house...super cold! It was so bad that people starting bringing slippers to our house. Oh yeah...for the southerners...northerners take their shoes off when they enter your house...because of the mud and snow...but they do it all year round, no matter who they are...its quite charming I think. So everyone was shocked by the temp of the tile floor in the kitchen in the back of the house.

Even in March when I met Katie, she would tell the mentors to wear a jacket and warm socks when they came to our house. We tried to keep it warm but it was no use. The mudroom, which was after the kitchen was totally freezing! In fact, our washer kept freezing up in there. So, we ended up putting a small heater fan in there to help the pipes from freezing. We actually had it angling down onto the pipes. We put plastic over the exterior mudroom door and quit using that one and it still wasn't bearable in there. So, what it was...was COSTLY!

Our landlord sent that heating guy out ten times, I bet! True knew him by name. But they just couldn't make it work any better and we were using a ton of oil considering we were only keeping it at 60.

So we got the gigantic utility bill and figured out that between November and May, we had spent a collective $5000 on oil and electric and we were still FREEZING!

Fred and I talked about it and decided to let our landlord know and see if he had any ideas on making sure it doesn't happen again. We figured that if they were going to sell, they probably weren't going to want to put any money into it. The windows in the cellar were broken...he had promised to fix them the week we moved in but never did...Fred ended up covering them in the winter just so we could survive. So, basically, we felt we needed to make sure we weren't put in the position of spending almost $1000/mo to keep warm...and not doing it well.

So that was the curve ball...and then came the "DUH" moment I'll share with you in post after next.

Mass in June 2008

Okay...so way back in March and April, before that DO started wreaking havoc, we made a plan that we would decide in January 2008 if we were moving to Mass after the school year.

We felt we probably were...our only thought in not doing it, was we had just started going to Eastpointe Church and felt it we got plugged in enough that maybe it would make us overlook our other concerns. So that became the plan.

Our landlords let us know in March or so that they would be selling the property after our lease was up. It was up in January and I did not want to move the kids again during the school year so we asked if we could extend our list until June 2008 and then move. We already knew we were likely moving to Mass and began preparing.

We asked questions of other special needs families I knew in the area. I had met other families with kids with Mitochondrial Disease like Andrew had, and they gave me the insight track on things. All of the moms I consulted felt the boys would be better served in Mass, even before they knew about our struggles in Maine. People here know Maine is small and under-resourced medically, so they strongly advised we consider moving. We started looking at different towns and asking about school systems. But the plan remained...to decide in January, move in June either staying in Maine or to Mass.

Well...then we got the curve ball...

Yeah, so...this doctor walks into the room and says...

You came to MAINE for better medical care and services??? Okay, so I likely got that from most every doctor we saw there. I guess that should have been my first clue.

Its not that the medical care there is bad...in many ways its better than what we had in Memphis.

I researched a lot but some things that I should have realized before we moved, sorta...uh...escaped my attention. Things like since there are less than a million people in the whole state, means there is no variety in medical care. This translated to...you need a second opinion...there is NO second opinion!

Case in point...there is only ONE pediatric neurologist in the WHOLE state. He's not good...everyone knows he's not good, but what can you do? You can't show him by going somewhere else...there is nowhere else! And the other docs, our case manager, our therapists...they all know you're not going to like him...because none of their other patients have liked him. But, as a professional courtesy, they don't tell you this ahead of time...they let you go with your armload of hope and come out going "Did he really say what I think he said? I mean, something totally contradictory to anyone else who works with my kid?"

Then you see said doctor, case manager, therapist and they ask with a GLEAM in their eye...because they already know the answer..."So, How did your appointment with Dr X go?" You tell them...they act surprised at the report, despite they've heard it all before and then say "I knew you wouldn't like him...nobody does!" Well...thanks a lot!

But healthcare, being what it is today...you have to play that game. Our kids are all on state insurance (otherwise, we would not have been able to do what we do) and while some parts of it are a huge blessing, other parts are a huge headache. There are TONS of other neurologists in Mass but getting to them is the problem. State insurance programs HATE paying for out of state care. I checked into this before we came and found there were many Maine kids getting specialty care in Mass, but right after we moved there, they made a big point to tell everyone they were cutting that out as much as they could.

So we fought for a second opinion about the neurologist and it becomes a game. Our pediatrician tells the state how we have many other contradictory reports and it affects his future healthcare to have an accurate neuro picture. But they tell us since the Maine neuro said in his notes, he wanted to do an EEG, we have to do that first. The state already knows we don't think this guy is good, but they'd rather stall us and pay for an EEG that when we DO get a second opinion approved, will have to be redone and they will pay for it twice, but alas, the game!

Our metabolic doctor in Mass (who we pay for out of pocket) wants a fasting study for True. It doesn't matter to the state that there is NO DOCTOR in the state of Maine that does these studies. They are done in the ICU and are very serious tests but they dont' care. They don't care that the next time True gets a cold, he will have to undergo emergency protocol as if he has a metabolic disease, which will cost them money, when the fasting study will tell us if he really does have one. Its the game.

I'd like to say fighting the state for these things were the only issues, but Early Intervention is a whole other thing that has been affected by budget cuts. EI services are usually for children under three (although Maine goes to age 5, something I liked when we looked at moving there) for kids who need therapy. I have to say, this is something Memphis does better than most! I'm sure it has something to do with the very specific population they deal with in Memphis. Someone at the state level realized that if they gave kids who were at risk, intervention when they were so young, that it would cost them less later and it does! Maine, hasn't figured this out yet. So getting therapy there was harder than I thought it would be. Eventually, though they figured out what he needed...about a week before we left! ha!

Social support services are really good in Maine. I have not heard glowing reports from everyone but we had a great case manager who knew her stuff and some great workers...so our experience was good. They do have some of that here, but I'm not sure how it will compare.

School-wise Gaige really excelled in most areas. He was fortunate to have a very insightful resource teacher whom he really connected with...this was a great asset for him. The schools overall, in New England spend about $2000/student more, even though the teachers are paid less, than in Memphis and you can definitely tell. Everything to do with special education is about the bottom line...the almighty dollar, but I felt in most cases, they tried to put Gaige first.

Bliss, of course, did great at school!

Then there were the doctors themselves. My southern friends (yes, I was able to find three in Maine), said they felt they had never seen a family like ours so they didn't know what to make of us. Maine is predominantly white...that's an understatement...93% white. There are more Amer-asians thans african americans. The 'african' americans that are there...are from africa...the sudan, the congo and somali. Most of that population went to the health department for medical care, so needless to say, most docs in Maine don't have much experience with black children.

So what! You might say...how much of a difference could it really make? We all know black adults are more prone to this or that health problem, but they didn't know what to think of a couple who would purposely adopt at-risk kids of a different race.

I do not intend to share everything that resulted in the lack of understanding on their part, especially with doctors of osteopath or D.O.'s. In the south, we don't have these, but they are everywhere in Maine. D.O's are able to do everything a doctor is able to do but have a more natural and whole person approach. I thought this would be great for us...there is a big push in the medical world right now for family-centered care. However, I realized that this means the D.O plays part psychologist and tries to read into things you say without really knowing you, your true heart or motives. One D.O. told me I was afraid to get rid of True's pacifier because I had lost a child...when in essence it was because if he had the paci in his mouth, he would not experiment with allergic food he somehow got access to. When I disagreed with her thinking (he had only JUST turned two, to boot), she sent me a letter and said that if I was not confident in her decisions, then I should find another doctor. I loved this doctor...it was wierd. Another D.O, after just meeting Gaige and I for ten minutes, made the assumption that I was not an honest person, broke the HIPPA law to try to investigate me, kept putting off seeing the kids and reaked a whole lot of havoc for us that I wont go into but definitely turned me off to D.O's forever.

Because of the spiritual culture in Maine, the professionals we deal with do not even consider that we live our lives to serve these children because we are serving Christ. Actually we wouldn't even have the liberty to say such a thing. Nor would they consider that we might want to do our part in the world. I guess when you try to do something for someone else, there must be something wrong with you. I hope that's not what they are teaching in all medical schools, because I know a lot of adoptive moms out there who have taken on kids like mine and need docs to be on their team. So, D.O.'s, I will try to avoid!

Its just been in the last week or so that I figured out the difference with this lack of perception in Memphis vs Maine. I think if you know the socio-economic makeup of Memphis, then you understand. Our geneticist in Memphis, who was fantastic, told me they are seeing more and more adopted children...you know why? No one knows what they were exposed to in-utero. I think Memphis docs just have an innate understanding of this because they are dealing with the families that keep their children and expose them to stuf, on a daily basis. They don't question our motives because I imagine they would assume we are religious and do it for that reason...because that's not unusual in Memphis. Maine is a very affluent society b/c of the cost of living, so the doctors don't understand the ramifications of what my kids were exposed to before we got them. Realizing this difference last week, has brought me a measure of peace, so that's a blessing.

We did find a couple of really great docs, our orthopedist who had the best manner with children and we especially loved our GI doc, who was also the adoptive parent of a black child. So, it figures that he would be on board with our family!

okay...off my soapbox...and on to more...

"Your kids MIGHT be real Mainers"

To all my maine-buddies reading this...you will know this is true, but I apologize for anyone who might think I am being unfair...correct me if I am wrong.

Being a new person is Maine is kinda like trying to fit in, when you have to change schools your senior year, in the middle of the semester. There's this who "mainer" code going on. If I grew up in Maine, I am sure I'd feel the same way...maybe people who move to Memphis felt the same way about it there, I don't know. But the code basically says if you didn't grow up in Maine, you'll never be a Mainer.

I was never going to be a true Mainer anyway...I'm a little too flashy for that but knowing this is the code before you even are able to TRY to fit in, well, that's a little difficult. Maine definitely has its own vibe and for the most part, its a very relaxed and enjoyable one. Life is more about comfort than display, more about protecting their way of live than opening up to new ideas and more into "live and let live" than we had been exposed to before.

Spiritually, Maine is vastly different from the south. I think the south could learn a few things and of course, Mainers just need Jesus like the rest of us. Less than 5% of the population in Maine go to church. Many of the ones who do are catholic...church there, is very different. There are actually people here who have never heard about Jesus and are not familiar with his name! Because we kept trying to find the right church fit for us, we had the privilege to sit down with several pastors in the area. Its hard to fathom in this day and age that there is SUCH a need for Christians in places in America...but that is so true. Each pastor, didn't really care where we ended up going to church, they were just thrilled God had brought some Christians to Maine.

These pastors, and their wives, know they are missionaries in the truest form...they knew the Maine mentality would be difficult to overcome and they came and brought their kids anyway! None of them were actually from Maine, they were all brought here for the purpose of pastoring or church-planting. We will definitely be continuing to pray for them. The church we attending the past few months of our life in Maine is doing a great work...pray for Scott and his wife, Beth, the youth pastor Jared and his wife Rachel...they are advancing the kingdom, for sure!

But anyway, back to life in Maine...getting the kids medical care...well, that was another story I'll address in the next blog.

We did make some sweet friends who were born-Mainers! They overlooked our southern ways and accepted us anyway...you guys definitely made life easier on us. I'm sorry we didn't get to cultivate the relationships further, but I know I will see you again. (Psstt...you are not the Mainers I am talking about..ha ha!)

The most wonderful thing about Maine that I will miss (besides that new Whole Foods and the lack of traffic) is the beauty of Maine! I doubt no matter where we end up living in this country, that I will get to live in a place as beautiful as Portland. The beauty truly inspired me, especially on hard days and I will miss it a lot! We're only about 45 minutes from the shore now...way closer than Memphis, but not seeing the ocean all over like in Portland. I do look forward to going back and hanging at the great beaches there next summer.

So, Vacationland as Maine is called, has the state motto of "Maine...the way life SHOULD be!" That life, is great, but I think I'll be happier to visit rather than stay a while! Its vacation land for me, because, we'll never be REAL Mainers anyway!

Living in Elizabeth Taylor's house

Okay...so the first place we landed in Maine, was an old house, built in the 1880's on Elizabeth Taylor lane. No, not THAT Elizabeth Taylor...Elizabeth Taylor the first school teacher in So. Portland! And, yes, we got that question all the time.

So we lived in her original home on a secluded little street with six other houses. It was an beautiful setting...backing up to the city's greenbelt. We loved that part!

However, the stuff in our basement started growing mold! We started smelling mold as soon as we walked in the house. We were told about some shady stuff the landlords had done when they lived there (like burying bags of asbestos shingles under the room we most smelled mold instead of paying to have them disposed of properly). We tried to figure the mold thing out.

Meanwhile True was diagnosed with a mold allergy and asthma so we decided it was probably not in his best interest to expose him to this. We bought an air-testing kit and sure enough, the mold was airborn.

We asked our landlords to fix it, they refused, so we packed everything up and moved! We wanted to stay in South Portland, its a neat little town, but couldn't find a house quickly enough...so we moved to Portland. The kids had to change schools which was really the worst part but eventually, they did really well. And guess what? We ALL started feeling better physicially, after we moved!

So, farewell, Elizabeth Taylor...hope your house doesn't make anyone else sick!

Start of the Journey--a little background...5

Okay, so here's the start of the whole big explanation of the past 13 months and how we took a year-long detour in Maine to get to Mass.

Many of you have been reading our monthly family updates for years (can you believe I started those over six years ago?) but explaining the miracle that is unfolding for us here in Mass would take way more than an email could fill up, so for those interested...here goes the big explanation!

Since I was a young teenager I never planned to stay in Memphis. In fact, I used to get maps out and measure the distance between NYC and Memphis to see what was in the middle! Yeah, well, that New York thing never happened...I still haven't been there except going to Brooklyn on a six hour layover to meet one of my mom's friends.

So, anyway, I always thought I would move and marry, or marry and move...didn't matter, but I always thought I would leave. Of course, at the time I was making these grand plans, God was not a factor in my decision making, but God definitely had different ideas about how I would carry out his plan.

I guess I stayed in Memphis because one, I was an only child and close to my mother and two, my father died my freshman year in college. This happened just a month after I became completely sold out to Jesus and I guess, that was the beginning of a lot of tough things I would go through. Bottom line was, I just couldn't leave my mother. So, I stayed.

Four years later, I met Fred who had JUST become a Christian. We married (yes, we got engaged after 13 days of dating) and started on our journey to have a family. We didn't spend too much time in the infertility world before we decided to adopt. We had always planned to adopt anyway, but we had no idea what God would call us into.

I wont bore you with the in-between, but as you know, we ended up adopting four babies, that either had special needs when we got them, or were at risk because of things their birthmothers did or did not do during their pregnancies. I used to get so upset when people called our children a 'ministry' because they are my children...I get so much joy out of being their mother, how could it be that we did so much for them? I don't feel what we have done to be that extraordinary but I do feel what God put in our hearts and the strengths he has given us as a team and individually in order to parent these particular children is.

Because my mom was such a fantastic grandmother, after we adopted Andrew, I just couldn't leave Memphis. Because of the situations with our children, my mom was a big help with us! Sadly, as most of you probably know, she died in March 2006, just 8 days after a diagnosis of leukemia. She was the last of my family I grew up with. My grandparents were gone and my dad died in 1988 and since mom was an only child, there were no aunts or uncles or cousins.

Fred and I started evaluating if we really wanted to stay in Memphis now that she was gone. We knew that most of our closest friends were planning to move in the next five years anyway. We always stayed and waved goodbye to many friends throughout the years. We were also frustrated with always having to fight the school system to get Gaige remotely what he needed, having sub-par medical care and then there was the whole crime and racial stuff that is a part of Memphis.

When Andrew was sick, I brought him to Boston to meet with doctors. I saw that Boston was really the mecca of pediatric care and I longed to be able to provide that for all the boys. Boston, is a HUGE place...the city itself is not all that big...but the surrounding area that is the metropolitan area, the traffic and so forth, scared us off.

So we began to think about options and realized that it was possible to access Boston medical care and live 100 miles away in Portland, Maine. The bonus was I had a half-brother (long story...another blog in itself) who lived there and we had never been near each other. So we felt this is where God wanted us to be.

So we made the decision to move to Maine. When asked, we told people it was to access Boston medical care and many of you asked us why not move to Boston and we said we were overwhelmed by it. We should have paid better attention to your questioning, I'm afraid...but that's all part of the journey I am sure.

So Maine it was...we left Memphis July 12th and arrived in Portland on the 16th! While we assumed the 'journey' was completed, it was just beginning.

....more to follow....